


so won't you cover me like full eclipse

by candescere



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: 6.8k words of me putting myself in the shoes of my characters and consoling myself through it, Character Study, Established Relationship, Lockdown Fic, M/M, calm and chaos parallels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25523812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candescere/pseuds/candescere
Summary: Time never stands still for someone like Kyungsoo, but it somehow halts to a stop in the calm of Baekhyun's arms.(Or, Kyungsoo spends the first day of lockdown with his boyfriend.)
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Do Kyungsoo | D.O
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	so won't you cover me like full eclipse

**Author's Note:**

> very self-indulgent fic, half of which is word vomit. friendship ended with dialogues now lengthy description paragraphs are my new best friends
> 
> special thank you to pattie who indulged my ideas at 2am while i was writing this! my gratitude also goes to my friends ri and trish, for holding my hand through this fic, c, i, a, and j, thank you for letting me barge right into our gcs with my ideas, and thank you for enduring them.
> 
> title from carly rae jepsen's [this is what they say](https://open.spotify.com/track/15Dsy8ojgto8ie8kTfTmQn?si=kDWgsPv8ThSkoDn-3PkdoQ)!

Kyungsoo is halfway out the door when the world stops, with the lingering mirage of Baekhyun’s kisses still very much alive and pulsating against his skin. _One for the road,_ Baekhyun had said, one resounding smooch after the other until it's a mirthful round of rapid-fire kisses. _And a couple more, just because._

“Guess I’ll have to take all that back now, won’t I?”

Kyungsoo jerks his head and catches Baekhyun midchew, intently munching on a piece of leftover toast from breakfast. It’s just a few minutes past 9 on a Saturday morning and breakfast isn’t technically over, but Kyungsoo has things to do, and for them to go according to schedule, breakfast should’ve been done with the moment Baekhyun pulled him in for the first kiss.

Kyungsoo has plans, plans that involve going home over the weekend to work on his dissertation and seeing to it that his other responsibilities are dealt with. Then, on Monday, he’ll drop by his office to retrieve the papers that he has to evaluate and work on it in the comfort of his own home. 

Kyungsoo has _plans,_ and none of them involve staying at Baekhyun’s apartment long after he’s intended to leave and listening to the morning news anchor press on about a month-long lockdown that starts at noon.

"For the record, though," Baekhyun says, eyes gleefully prancing along where his lips had touched his boyfriend's face. "I don't mind."

The rest of the news report drowns in the cascade of dread that conquers the whole of Kyungsoo’s attention. It’s bewilderment that has him operating on instinct, barely even catching the words slipping past his tongue when he asks, “How do you even do that?”

Despite the question being directed to the issue at hand, Baekhyun takes it as a nod of interest towards his proposition. Kyungsoo gets two answers at once. _Intercity travel will be prohibited once the borders close in less than three hours,_ he catches the report saying, at the same time Baekhyun springs out of his seat and into Kyungsoo’s arms as he says, “Like this!”

But Kyungsoo's mind immediately starts flitting through the things he's left behind: the dirty mug that sits forgotten on his desk, the piles of undergraduate literary analysis papers he hasn't started grading, dissertation revisions due next week.

The draft of the syllabus for the series of workshops he's been tapped to conduct in a few months—his department head's been asking for it on top of Kyungsoo's deliverables as the graduation committee coordinator, _God,_ they weren’t kidding when they said that being a junior faculty member was a thankless job—did he even lock his office door?

Then, the things he wished he’d done: He should’ve taken the time to clean his office instead of zooming out of the faculty commons as quickly as he did yesterday after the university announced a week-long suspension of classes. Should’ve at least left the mug in the sink, he realizes, inwardly wincing at the likely pest infestation that awaits him when he returns.

He should’ve considered going paperless for his requirements; Kyungsoo’s always valued the more traditional way of doing things, including teaching, but perhaps there would’ve been no harm in conceding to the innate convenience of drive platforms. He makes a mental note to ask his colleagues about the ways of modern instructional technology next time. 

Then he makes another mental note to actually _talk_ to his colleagues next time, and maybe consider a discussion or two on fair work delegation so that he won't always have the brunt of responsibility falling on his shoulders. It's become a tradition in Kyungsoo's department for the junior faculty members to forge a solid bond over their collective misery. For certain as it is a demanding and grueling work environment, it's never supposed to be lonely.

Yet detachment embeds itself so effortlessly in Kyungsoo’s nature, even more so when it’s necessary. He hasn’t driven a single conversation past the usual morning greetings with any of his colleagues this week, having spent most of it holed up in his own office and trying to get work done.

Kyungsoo’s appreciation for his colleagues is significant in that it was able to convince him to download a messaging application—the farthest he’ll ever get with social networking—but not enough to get him to open it and backread through their conversations.

Much of Kyungsoo's personality remains an enigma to most of them because mere co-existence only shows them so much. They know, however, that Kyungsoo never opts to leave at the same time as everyone else, they know he prefers working until a little before the wee hours of the night, and they know that simply knocking on his door to inform him of their departure often suffices better than asking him to join their usual nights out.

It occurs to Kyungsoo that they must’ve known him well enough to acknowledge his dedication, his aversion to taking things slow, and perhaps that’s why no one stopped him yesterday on his way out to remind him of the things he might’ve been forgetting. Kyungsoo wonders if things would’ve been different had they known him better.

He loses control over his sanity on a downward slope, so much so that he doesn’t perceive the way Baekhyun throws his arms around his shoulder and fashions his mouth into something akin to a vacuum nozzle, impishly sucking in copious amounts of air as he brings his face closer.

Kyungsoo completely misses the way Baekhyun bares his acquired reflexes from years of pestering him, the way he braces himself for the quelled flick of a tender hand, and the way his face promptly falls when he realizes it’s not coming.

“What? No longer interested in what my mouth can do?”

Concern settles in the dust of mischief in Baekhyun’s eyes when his banter doesn’t elicit a response. He takes his hands from where they clasp at the back of Kyungsoo’s neck and brings them to his face instead, thumbs resting on the plane of his cheeks. “Kyungsoo, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not going to make it,” Kyungsoo says, matter-of-factly. “I live three hours away. The borders will have been closed by the time I get there.”

Kyungsoo’s mind is in _shambles,_ for the lack of a better word, but he can’t help but think that this lockdown might be nothing short of a band-aid solution. Despite his consciousness’ complete descent into chaos, Kyungsoo vaguely remembers hearing about how this protocol was set into motion as a way of buying the government time.

This is a crisis no one knows how to maneuver, that he understands, but they could have at least given this implementation a semblance of thought. With a lockdown being imposed in the middle of the day, and on short notice, what happens to the people in the middle of running errands? To those whose families are expecting them to come home? What happens if the presence of food on someone's table depends solely on the paychecks that they get daily?

And Kyungsoo's every waking day is a flowchart come to life, structured ever so meticulously that it never has to run into detours—the glaring temptation of weekends included. 

All his life is a multitude of plans: larger ones, like career ventures after he gets his doctorate, and smaller ones, like small talk played over in his head before he even engages in them. And should any of these plans come to a halt before roads that diverge, Kyungsoo is just as ready to steer it back into linear and familiar territory with one back up plan in place of another.

Kyungsoo’s always believed that his commitment to the discipline of discipline is the closest he’ll ever get to the gift of foresight. People ask him why he never gets tired as often as they praise him for a job well done, to which he’d always respond, in a way that makes it sound more like a rehearsed spiel with each repetition, that fatigue is often a much kinder adversary than failure.

And yet the one time Kyungsoo allows himself to stand corrected, he manages to prove himself right.

“That’s not right. They _can’t_ do that, I’ve so much work to do, I thought it was only going to be for a week so I didn’t bring my workload with me and I have _nothing,_ ” Kyungsoo breathes in one go, but it doesn’t even come close to reflecting the unrest of his mind, nor alleviating him of it.

“I have my laptop here, but the papers, I told my students I’d return them as soon as I can—my revisions, I left my analysis notes in my office, my advisor's going to neck me _,_ and I told the committee I’d finalize the list of graduating students, _oh,_ if they don’t graduate because of me... 

Then Kyungsoo strikes upon an idea that has him looking Baekhyun straight in the eye and searching his gaze for the slightest vestige of assurance, and proceeds to offer it as he takes Baekhyun’s wrists in his hands. 

“What if I leave now, do you think I’ll make it? You think I can convince whoever’s at the borders to let me pass? Rush hour’s done so I think I can arrive just a little over noon, they couldn’t be _that_ strict, right? I’ll tell them I live nearby, I’m sure they’ll understand, won’t they? Won’t they, Baekhyun?”

It isn’t until after the question’s third reiteration that Baekhyun wriggles his wrists free from Kyungsoo’s grasp, gingerly taking the younger’s hands and pressing them to his lips. It’s only when Kyungsoo feels Baekhyun’s controlled breathing on his knuckles that he becomes aware of how frantically he’s been trembling. They stand wordlessly for a few moments before Baekhyun exhales, and Kyungsoo realizes he’s been breathing in time with him.

“Kyungsoo, baby,” Baekhyun whispers, and every other term of endearment pales in comparison to the way he says Kyungsoo’s name. “Please, calm down.”

Kyungsoo leans into Baekhyun’s touch. He hides under the guise of a quiet _I am,_ but the tremor in his voice gives him away.

“Are you? I think you know how to use your commas a lot more sparingly when you’re calm,” Baekhyun quips, and Kyungsoo’s smile finally reaches his eyes. “I need you to breathe, my love, you have me. Let’s sort this out.”

“Yes, yes… I’d like that.”

“But first, you have to stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“I can hear you thinking.”

“Isn’t that what we do for a living?”

“You know I love your smart mouth more than I should, but you should also know that you’ve made a hobby out of underestimating how well I know you.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says, and they both giggle, navigating around their back-and-forths like it’s second nature. “Go on, I’ll just listen to what you have to say.”

Baekhyun utters a hushed _okay, good_ as he intertwines his fingers with Kyungsoo's, holding them steadily between their bodies. "Soo, we're in the middle of something terrifying, I know. Even more so when you realize that no one knows what to do and that we might be stuck in the dark for a while. Look, they’ve even locked up the schools until the end of the month.

"But I think that's precisely why we need to breathe. We don't know what's going to happen next, we don't know when—or if—things will go back to the way they were, but we have to be ready. Whether it does or doesn't. What I'm saying is… maybe it's time for a pit stop. Or, if we choose to go on, only do so by how the world will allow us. No harm in moving in time with everyone else, right?"

Kyungsoo momentarily lowers his gaze before finding Baekhyun’s, at Baekhyun’s command. “Over here, look at me.” 

“You are wonderful. Smart, loving, kind, and not to mention, hot,” and Kyungsoo almost knees him where it hurts, but Baekhyun is quick at redemption, “and, _and,_ most importantly, easily the strongest and most hardworking person I know. It doesn’t take much to know what makes you happy—your career, your goals, me, I hope—and I only want you to be happy.

“I am always so, so proud of you, you know that, right? I’m proud of you, of all that you are and will be, but sometimes… sometimes I worry, sometimes I fear that you’ll end up overworking yourself. And I’ve always been afraid of telling you about it because I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your dreams, but now…”

Baekhyun begins rubbing circles over Kyungsoo’s knuckles with his thumbs, a gesture that’s familiar to Kyungsoo because it’s the way Baekhyun himself likes to be comforted. It’s his gaze that drops this time, and Kyungsoo meets him there.

“... now I get the chance to hold you like this and tell you that it’s okay, that no one’s expecting you to be productive at a time like this. It’s okay to take your time, Soo. You can stay here. You can rest while the world tries to heal.”

“But my deliverables…" 

“Baby,” Baekhyun blurts out the pet name like a punchline, light laughter drenching the syllables, “No one is going to berate you over a few unchecked papers, especially not your students. You’ll still become Doctor Do when all this is over, whether you pass your revisions next week or in two months. 

“And, compared to the length of time those students have spent waiting to graduate, the time it’ll take you to send a PDF attachment over email is nothing. They can wait another thirty seconds.”

Sometime between letting out a hearty chuckle and letting Kyungsoo find repose in the nook of his neck, Baekhyun says, “You deserve to breathe and let things go, just this once. And if you decide you like how it feels, then no one’s going to stop you from doing it more often in the future.”

And Kyungsoo doesn’t like the fact that he has to stand on his toes to kiss Baekhyun’s forehead but he does, anyway, and in compensation places more where his lips could reach. “Everything you said makes perfect sense, but none of it sounds easy.”

“It’s not supposed to be easy.”

“Right.”

“But it’s nothing you can’t do.”

“You overestimate me.”

“No,” Baekhyun says behind a knowing smile, “I just believe in you.”

"You make me want to do that, too. It might take me a while, though."

“Baby steps, my love. At your own pace.”

“Okay. I can do that. I can do that.”

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“I don’t know where exactly to start, though. I’ll start with—what—throwing my planners away?”

“No, no. When you’re ready, you can pick up your plans and your goals, right where you left off. They’ll wait for you, it’ll be as if you were never gone.”

“Sometimes I’m jealous of how well you have your life together." 

“Not as well as you do, obviously,” Baekhyun says, and Kyungsoo doesn’t swat away the slender finger that playfully lands on his nose, “There’s just a bit more spontaneity involved with mine.”

“How do you always know what to say?” 

"Come on, the wonders of my mouth are not a mystery to you. Any more questions?"

And to indulge the smugness that decorates Baekhyun’s features, Kyungsoo obliges. “Who would I be without you?”

“The same stellar person that you are, no doubt. You’ve always been destined for great things. Think of me as a bonus,” Baekhyun remarks, winking. “Though I would feel a little bad for you if you didn’t have me. Kinda sad, don’t you think?”

“That does sound tragic,” Kyungsoo admits. “I already feel bad for everyone else because they don't have you,” he adds, and the grin on Baekhyun’s face tells him that this scene is playing out like one from those dramas that occupy a great deal of Baekhyun’s daily routine. “Look, you’re rubbing off on me.”

Then there’s laughter, and as it simmers down, Kyungsoo hands find the small of Baekhyun’s back. He lets them stay there. “I love you. I hope I’ve told you enough times.”

“Well, that’s only your third today and the twenty-fifth this week, but who’s counting?”

Over the low murmur of the television in the background, Kyungsoo contributes to Baekhyun's counter and enunciates each one with a kiss. Sometime after the fiftieth mark, Kyungsoo loses count. Neither of them opposes the idea of restarting.

*

Baekhyun walks Kyungsoo through a whole day of winding down, one suggestion after the other as to what they could do to loosen up. Kyungsoo recognizes this as a ploy to keep him from thinking too much again, as evidenced by the way Baekhyun’s mouth runs louder and spews twice as many words whenever Kyungsoo mentions something that’s even remotely related to working.

And for the sole purpose of appeasing the curious wonder in Baekhyun’s eyes whenever a new idea shows itself to him, Kyungsoo lets it slide.

Their afternoon becomes a productive one, so to speak, albeit not in the way Kyungsoo's productive sessions usually go. In several hours they were able to binge-watch a couple of episodes from the new mini-series Baekhyun has been wanting to check out, and they got around to finishing the last few pages of an adult coloring book with a large pack of crayons Baekhyun has lying around.

(“Don’t your students ever get stressed?” Kyungsoo frowns, holding a handful of pink shades against their sprawling artwork and narrowing his choices down to two. “How do they even decide over things like this? Hey, help me out. What do you think I should use for these petals over here? Carnation Pink or Tickle Me Pink?”

“Oh, to be a preschooler who can’t tell the difference,” Baekhyun laughs, in contrast to the palpable confusion on Kyungsoo’s face. He points to the one in Kyungsoo’s left hand, anyway. “You seem to forget I teach children, Kyungsoo. Most of the time they’re honestly just concerned with completing the artwork. Anything that fills in the white space, they’re sold.”

“Aren’t they worried about the outcome?”

“I think they’re more worried over not being able to go home immediately if they don’t pass the finished product, rather than creating a pretty picture.”

“Somewhere along the way our goals just change, don’t they?”

“That, or they just pile up on each other as we grow,” Baekhyun says, puzzling over several shades of green himself when Kyungsoo isn’t looking, “Don’t _you_ look forward to both? Going home and producing an outcome you’re proud of?”

“Among other things, yes. You do have a point,” Kyungsoo agrees. He decides to make a two-toned flower with both colors, instead. “Choosing to get it over with rather than making it perfect. I guess that’s where some of my students and yours are similar.”

“University students can mull that sort of stuff over, though. Children aren’t as capable of the same thought processes yet.”

“That’s why they learn, don’t they?”

“They learn how to make choices, yes. What I do is that I tell them what I like the most about their artwork instead of praising the whole thing in general. That way, they’ll know what they want to keep, what needs a little more work, and how they can make their drawing better. From there, they can decide if they want to spend more time on it next session.”

Baekhyun dusts off his hands after he finishes coloring the last of his leaves. "You don't get results instantly, but you can see them. It builds their confidence, too, and I find that you learn more about the children by asking them about their choices."

“Done!” Kyungsoo exclaims as he finishes his share with a final stroke, showing Baekhyun their finished artwork by holding it against his chest. “What do you like the most about what I did then, Teacher Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun plays along by letting out a rather exaggerated gasp, responding with the same enthusiasm when he says, "Kyungsoo, I love what you did with the flowers! I especially like that you used two different shades for these over here, too, it makes them look brighter! Why did you choose to use two colors instead of just one?"

“Well, I couldn’t decide at first, but then I realized that there’s nothing wrong with choosing both, especially when they both make pretty flowers!”

“You’re right, they do! That’s a good realization, Kyungsoo!”

“It is,” Kyungsoo says. He means it well beyond the color fiasco; this much he knows. “I learned from you, after all.”)

They call it a day a few songs into the impromptu jamming session they started on Baekhyun's beloved baby grand. It's been a while since Kyungsoo's used his voice like this, and he retreats as soon as he hears and feels the strain. He opts for a shower and finds himself before a pile of clean clothes afterward, all his own yet straight out of Baekhyun's closet. He realizes then and there just how much of this house has also become his.

He touches his laptop for the first time in an entire day when he retrieves it from his satchel, letting sit on his lap as he leans against the bedframe on his side of the bed. He feels it dip when Baekhyun dives into the mattress.

"I told you this bed would be a good investment someday," Baekhyun murmurs against the stretch of bare skin on Kyungsoo's waist, where his mouth has found refuge. He lets one arm drape over and dangle off the edge of Kyungsoo's hips. "Can't believe I'll be getting my money's worth after a year. It's always lonely, you know. Sleeping on this big baby alone."

Baekhyun's king bed stands out against the minuteness of everything else in his one-man apartment, but Kyungsoo knows he's partly responsible for the fact that it's there.

("I'm getting the king-size," Baekhyun had said over the phone, only slightly dejected over Kyungsoo forgoing their supposed IKEA date for the semestral planning event. Baekhyun had just moved into a new apartment then, and the only thing he's missing was a new bed. "So there'll always be enough room for both of us."

"Won't it be too big, though?" Kyungsoo contested, trying to imagine its place in the confines of Baekhyun's tiny new bedroom. "Besides, you honestly don't have to worry about me. I won't be able to drop by that often, anyway. Uni's one hell of a commute from your new place."

"Wow, who said I was worried about you?" Baekhyun retorted, and Kyungsoo could hear the feigned pout in his words.

“... _you_ did?”

“Right, thought I was being subtle for a moment there.”

“I’ll be fine, Baek, really. I’m sure we’d still fit on something smaller, anyway.”

“The idea of snuggling up against you on a tiny bed doesn’t seem so bad, not gonna lie.”

“Baekhyun!”

“What? This bed’s going to be yours as much as it’s mine, I promise. I think it’s only fair that I ask for your input on it.”

“But it’s for _your_ apartment, isn't it? Buy a bed that fits your preferences, no need to consider mine! It's fine, baby, I'll be okay."

“I’ll get it for myself, then. Sleep in luxury when you aren’t there and see if it lives up to its name.”

Baekhyun bought it with Kyungsoo in mind, nonetheless, along with several pillows in different sizes to satiate the void his lover leaves behind in his absence.

"They'll be taking your place for now," Baekhyun had declared while placing one last pillow against the headboard, the morning after Kyungsoo’s first visit to the fully-furnished apartment. “Come back soon. Just tell me you want to stay the night and I’d kick them out for you, without hesitation.”

“Oh, so now I risk hurting their feelings when I drop by on short notice?”

“You never do short notice, Soo. It’s always three days before your arrival or it doesn’t happen at all.”

“You’re right, unannounced visits should be the least of their worries.”

“And the greatest of mine,” Baekhyun said. “Because then I won’t have enough time to think of some ploy to make you stay.”

“I’m sorry, Baek. You really shouldn't have to, you know I'd stay here with you longer if I could."

"No, no, you have nothing to apologize for! I know how important your goals are to you, Soo. Take your time, just don't forget to take a few breaks now and then. You always tell me not to worry about you, but you honestly worry about me just as much." 

The flurry of send-off kisses was a surprise attack the first time, but Baekhyun's done it so often that it's become an unspoken agreement, and so devoutly that it's become tradition.

"And, if one day you get the urge to leave things behind, even just for a while," he'd said, a request hidden under the pretense of an afterthought, "you'll always have me to come home to.")

“Well… now you have, uh… _this_ big baby to sleep with?” Kyungsoo says in an absent-minded haze, awkward and stilted, yet nonetheless an attempt. He pins the blame on stress as quickly as he lets the moment slide, his mind inadvertently fixated on the familiar bleakness of his laptop screen.

"Disgusting,” Baekhyun says, but the laughter that vibrates against Kyungsoo’s skin and lulls his body with warmth tells him he means otherwise. “I like it. And you’re not wrong.”

Kyungsoo has half the mind to stop himself from working on the files he'd left strewn across his desktop for easy access. At the neatness that glares at him, he stares back, realizing that he seldom uses his laptop for affairs outside of work and university.

Baekhyun's eyes have fluttered closed at some point in the middle of their conversation, but the telltale weight of his breathing reveals his wakefulness. Kyungsoo glances at him and decides to recognize the valiant effort his partner has put into keeping him as far away from the daily grind as possible, so he gathers all his desktop documents into one folder where he can't see them, in the meantime. 

He opens up his browser with the intention of exploring beyond his bookmarks bar of academic websites for once, but an accidental misclick catapults him into a news website, instead. Today's lockdown decks the front page as headline news and Kyungsoo shortly realizes he knows essentially nothing about it due to the precarious state of mind he's been in all day.

If he's going to be stuck in this situation against his wishes, he figures he might as well educate himself on it. There's only so much he can do in the middle of a lockdown, after all, and unless he somehow manages to find a way out, he isn't going anywhere.

So Kyungsoo clicks the link, and if he’d been expecting anything else to come out of doing so, it definitely wouldn’t be the faint, split-second quiver of Baekhyun’s pulse against his hipbone as he whispers, “Soo, I have to tell you something—" 

But one look at Kyungsoo’s shock laden eyes growing wider as they graze over the paragraphs would tell him he doesn’t have to.

Baekhyun stirs, sitting up and leaning his torso against the headboard as Kyungsoo’s hands scramble to confirm what he’s seen before he wills himself to digest it. He opens his work inbox and skims through his students’ inquiry emails by the hundreds, hoping there’s an admin advisory hidden in plain sight, overlooked between one email and the next.

He reaches for his phone and checks the faculty group chat, the constant brouhaha of which has accumulated enough to make Kyungsoo realize just how long it’s been since his last visit. It takes him several hurried scrolls to access the group’s conversation from three nights ago, and in the aftermath of what seemed to be a heated trivia game between his colleagues, he finds what he’s looking for.

He blinks in disbelief as his focus shifts from one screen to another, and back again as he teeters between doubt and resignation. But in the here and now, as he watches the truth blare from the crevices of his neglect, he doesn't seem to have a choice.

"It was announced three days ago," Kyungsoo breathes, frustration quiet and crushing in its arrival. "I shut myself off all week and I had no idea."

And turning to Baekhyun, he adds, "You knew?"

Baekhyun refuses to meet his gaze. It feels foreign to Kyungsoo, staring right through Baekhyun's watered-down resolve. He’s always had an inherent inability to lie, and right now, it manifests in his fidgeting.

"I'd just found out last night, too," Baekhyun says. Kyungsoo notes the childlike reluctance with which he says it, almost innocent and ineluctably honest. "Just before you arrived."

Kyungsoo acknowledges the futility of this conversation from the get-go, knowing it will longer warrant any sort of solution. Yet a part of him chooses to remain cynical, establishing the veneer of steadfastness that allows him to ask, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was waiting for the right time to tell you, but you were the happiest I’ve ever seen you all day and I didn’t want to get in the way of that—”

“Hold on, Baek,” Kyungsoo interrupts, “You’re saying you had no plans of telling me when I still could’ve done something about it?”

When Baekhyun’s admission comes in the form of silence, Kyungsoo lets his mouth run. It’s vulnerability that coats his words, he realizes, not anger. “You could’ve told me last night, even earlier this morning would've worked. I know it's my fault I wasn't aware, but I could've used your help. I could've settled what I needed to without a setback this huge, why didn't you do it? Why would you—"

"I didn't want to lose you again, Kyungsoo."

Baekhyun says it like a prayer, subdued yet unflinching. He looks at Kyungsoo for the first time in what felt like hours, and nothing remains of the hesitation that once veiled his features. Conviction commands the plea of Baekhyun’s eyes. As good as Kyungsoo is with words, he isn’t sure if he has an answer for that.

“I knew you’d have left if you had the chance. You always do, you’re always _so_ prepared to run, nevermind everything else. And I’ve always let you, Soo. I’ve always had to be ready to watch you leave, but last night… last night, I wasn’t. I couldn’t watch you go." 

“I would’ve come back for you, you know that.”

“And when would that’ve been? There’s no coming back for a long time if you walked out that door, and I wasn’t going to sit here and let you go through all _this_ alone. You would've worn yourself out at the rate you're going, with no one to stop you. It's painful to see you so exhausted, so _empty,_ and I can’t allow you to go on like this.” 

It’s uncharacteristic of Baekhyun to be serious and still, but regardless of his temperament, it’s his fervor that never wanes.

“I know how ridiculously selfish I sound right now, and I’m sorry, but no, Kyungsoo. It would’ve been unfair for you to finally come home and leave just like that. And I didn’t wait all this time for this chance, for _you,_ just to let you go again. I won’t.”

Baekhyun’s words feel like a storm surge crashing down against his grit, and all his senses are aware of it. Baekhyun struggles to catch his breath, his own eyes laced with awe upon realizing everything he’s just said. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again. Kyungsoo swears he might just break if Baekhyun apologizes one more time. "I was really thankful for it, you know. For last night, all of it. I hadn't realized you might not have felt the same way."

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry," Kyungsoo responds. His glasses slightly tread down the bridge of his nose when he bows, and he pushes them back up as he takes a deep breath. "You're right, it would've been unfair to the both of us. I understand where you're coming from, and I'm sorry. You're always looking out for me and I had no idea how much I'd been taking all this for granted."

Kyungsoo finds Baekhyun’s hand in the mess of the sheets and holds it like a promise. A breath of relief escapes his lips when Baekhyun surrenders, even though it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Kyungsoo that he does.

Perhaps it’s because Baekhyun’s always been so loving, so supportive of Kyungsoo’s endeavors that it’s become too easy of a mistake for Kyungsoo to see his loyalty as an excuse. The single instance Baekhyun goes against him and asks something of him undoubtedly for Kyungsoo's own sake, and Kyungsoo has instinctively deemed it as selfishness.

"Please don't apologize anymore. And what I did last night… it was purely my choice, Baek. Of course I feel the same way. I'd have stayed with you like that for a long time, too."

"I know how much you love your job, and I'm honestly rooting for you every single day. But you're going to burn out and I can't let that happen, not when you have so much ahead of you," Baekhyun assures, then adds, "A lot ahead of _us,_ actually, but only if that’s something you’ve ever considered."

Baekhyun sounds pensive as much as he is hopeful, and leaves a pang of guilt in Kyungsoo's chest to wonder just how unfair he's been to Baekhyun, for him to think that Kyungsoo has a whole life planned without him. That’s untrue, though. Kyungsoo's unaware of a future that doesn’t have Baekhyun in it.

Yet Baekhyun has his arms wide open, ready to pull Kyungsoo in an embrace again. When Kyungsoo yields, he lets Baekhyun gently pry his glasses off his face, letting them rest on the bedside table.

"I do love what I'm doing, though you're right. I think I've been treating it like a coping mechanism instead of a vocation. Look, I've even neglected so many things because I've been so bent on working."

"If you love what you're doing, I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to do it without letting it consume you."

"That's going to be a long process of learning and unlearning but I think I'll manage," admits Kyungsoo. "I'm really sorry, Baek. For everything. I… I do need to stop and think things through."

"You don't need to apologize. I've always been content with how things are, Soo." 

"But it's not what you deserve."

"I'm happy," Baekhyun says. "I'm happy with what I'm doing, happy with the kids back at the preschool, and I'm happy with you. I think it's well-deserved."

The kiss Kyungsoo plants on Baekhyun's lips is chaste, but he makes sure it bears all that he wants to say. They finally lay down, exhaustion seeping in and rendering their actions languid.

"I'll be better. I'll start looking after myself, too, so that you won't have to worry about me anymore."

"Oh, I'm afraid that might be non-negotiable. I think I'll always be worrying about you, even when you say there's no need for it."

"Then I'll take care of myself well enough so you'll only have to do it in silence."

"Hm, less work for me?" Baekhyun muses as he closes his eyes again, and Kyungsoo listens to him slur his way through his syllables. “I think I like the sound of that.”

It’s like muscle memory, the way Baekhyun winds his legs swiftly and seamlessly over Kyungsoo’s. This scene has played out so many times that Kyungsoo’s mapped out the terrain of Baekhyun’s body when they lay in this position, and he’s learned how to complement it in the process.

“No, seriously, you had no idea they were locking the place down?” Baekhyun interrogates. “Didn’t you see it on TV?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I haven’t watched TV in 2 weeks. And no one bothered telling me directly, but that’s on me. I didn’t talk to anyone the whole week.”

“I guess no one’s brave enough to stop you.”

“I think they would’ve stopped me if they knew how to,” Kyungsoo responds, shrugging. “I did make myself unreachable these past weeks. How about you, what’s your excuse? Didn’t you just find out last night?”

“Ah, I went on a cleanse. No TV and social media for a week, until just a few hours before you came. A part of me was hoping you knew, to be honest, but somehow I knew you couldn’t have. You wouldn’t have come if you did.”

In retrospect, Kyungsoo thinks he still would’ve chosen to.

“That morning news program was essentially my first time watching TV in a while and you distracted me from absorbing the important parts.”

“I’m a pro, aren’t I?” Baekhyun chuckles proudly. “Oh, but that wasn’t intentional. I may or may not have just been looking for an excuse to kiss you again.”

“I thought you were going to take them back?”

Kyungsoo feels the ghost of Baekhyun’s smile against his cheek when the older boy cranes his neck to kiss it, letting his lips linger. 

“I’ve decided you can keep them.”

It isn’t very hard to tell when Baekhyun’s on the cusp of sleep. It’s usually when he has a hand resting on Kyungsoo’s cheek, thumb sailing from where his index finger meets his palm and casting anchor right at the corner of Kyungsoo’s lips. Against Kyungsoo’s neck, he whispers, “I’ve waited so long to hold you like this again.”

But Baekhyun is holding him exactly the way he did last night, in a mess of limbs and a tangle of wisps and whispers, and growing lightheaded in the allure of sleep he responds, “What’s stopping you?”

“The breakup we just had for a month, dummy,” Baekhyun ripostes, its magnitude lost in stifled laughter. And Kyungsoo laughs with him, anyway, to the extent that their dwindling energy and consciousness could allow them. “Everything else I can understand, Kyungsoo, but if you happened to miss that too, then that’s on you.”

And something about the sheer wit of such an aimless conversation is indeed funny, but it's something their bleary minds can no longer pinpoint. Perhaps it's the nonchalance of Kyungsoo's question, or maybe it's the jest of Baekhyun's response, naturally funny without context, but terribly hilarious against the backdrop of last night's reconciliation.

The absurdity of it all is astonishing, how hastily the hours bled between last night and the day that's now coming to an end. Yet they recall the night before like a decades-old memory, how Kyungsoo had readily dropped everything to hop on the first ride to Baekhyun's place and win his heart back. He'd locked his office door shut without so much as a second glance, thinking everything can wait, thinking he has much more important, lasting things to deal with.

It's the one time Kyungsoo had let his guard down, foregoing everything in the desire to come home to something worth saving, someone worth keeping. The one time Kyungsoo lets go, there's another hand held out, waiting to hoist him back up.

Last night was the one time Kyungsoo felt so invincible, so _alive,_ and he thinks it might be the thrill that comes with going against the ebb and flow of the life he’s always conditioned himself to live. That, or it’s the constant, unparalleled bliss of coming home to Baekhyun, only this time magnified by the fear of forgetting the words he’s prepared to woo him back.

(And he _did_ forget, for the record, but Baekhyun’s always more than willing to listen to what he has to say, anyway.)

"Hey, I don't think I got to thank you enough last night."

"For what?"

"For coming back," says Baekhyun. "I mean, I didn't really give you much of a choice, so I guess…"

Baekhyun’s eyes drift close as Kyungsoo presses a kiss to his forehead and another on the tip of his nose. They bid the night farewell like this, intertwined so placidly it’s impossible to tell where they diverge, but it’s not like there’s a need for that, anyway.

Kyungsoo chooses to stay in the calm of Baekhyun’s arms, where time unravels as it should and he doesn’t have to beg for it to halt. Tomorrow will rage on, and its temper is something Kyungsoo knows he’ll have to face eventually. 

“No, thank you _,_ ” Kyungsoo whispers, and sleep feels very much like an old friend returning. “For letting me.”

For now, though, this will suffice.

**Author's Note:**

> for clarification, no such lockdown happened in south korea.
> 
> it did happen where i am, though, so whether you choose to interpret that plot device as a bit of creative liberty on my part or as my way of talking shit about our government’s poor crisis response is completely up to you
> 
> thank you so much for reading! (⌒▽⌒)♡


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